How to Get Your Child to Sit Still

I have a piece of code embedded in my website that tells me why people visit my blog.  Almost every inquiry is the along the same lines:  My child can't sit still.


There may be other reasons preventing the child from being able to attend, but first and foremost, a child who is unable to sit still and focus is a child who needs to move.  


Children cannot be taught how to sit still.  They cannot be instructed to sit still and be expected to follow through for more than a few moments.  Sitting still is not a cognitive task like spelling.  It is an inherent physical ability that depends on a great number of factors, like balance, strength, mental alertness, the amount of exercise the child has had recently, sufficient breath control, nutrition, and rest, and mature neurological functioning. If these things are not solidly in place in the child's body, the child won't be capable of sitting quietly and being available for learning.

Recently I had to say goodbye to a little boy I had been treating for several years.  He was doing beautifully and ready to graduate!  Amid the tears and hugs, his mother said something that caught me completely off guard.  She said, "So much of what we learned here was counterintuitive."

Huh?!

At this little boy's school, a high premium is placed on the children's ability to be "steady."  They were expected to manage their own behavior, to sit still upon command, to internalize and follow the rules, and to be quiet and respectful and correct in what they do and what they say to each other at all times.

This little boy couldn't come close to being able to do all that.  He was impulsive, clumsy, and primitive.  He bit and hit instead of being able to "use his words," and when he did use words, they were often not acceptable either in volume or content.  He rarely initiated any activities, especially when the room was noisy, could not keep his hands to himself during circle time, nor meet the grownups' expectations regarding the social and academic demands of the classroom.  I thought he was very bright, but no one at school seemed to think so, judging from the carefully neutral, unenthusiastic reports from his teachers.

His mother explained that she and her husband had tried to teach him to follow the schools' expectations by reminding him, over and over, to "be steady."  They reasoned that to help him sit still, he had to be taught how to sit still.

Then they were referred to OT, and instead of encouraging him verbally to control his body, I hardly spoke to him at all.  Instead, I quietly provided one intense movement experience after another on the suspended equipment, encouraged him to scream as loudly as he wanted and to jump and crash as hard as he needed, and convinced his parents, after much cajoling, to take him outside to play in the mornings before school began.

To their amazement, on the mornings when they got him to school twenty minutes early and played tag with him in the schoolyard  {many of the other children in his class started coming early as well and joining in} he was able to go directly to his seat and stay focused all morning.

There were other things we did, of course, to improve the functioning of his nervous system and reduce his sensory defensiveness, but the more I could convince his parents to keep him active, the better his behavior both in and out of school.

His mother said, "We didn't realize that in order for him to be able to be still, first he had to move!"

Living in the city and lacking lawns, yards, and natural habitats, we habitually spend our time indoors.  We forget how necessary it is for children to move their bodies and explore their environments freely.  It's not healthy for babies and toddlers to be constantly strapped into strollers and car seats and play pens and forced to be passive.  It impedes their physical, emotional, and cognitive development!

Humans are biologically designed to hunt, fish, plant, gather, chop wood, carry water, walk long distances, keep watch for predators, and to use our bodies and hands to build and make things in order to survive.  We were not designed to sit in chairs all day, and the bad posture, obesity, depression, poor health, and chronic pain suffered by so many of the people who drive themselves to work and sit all day long in artificial light, year after year, is telling.

It's not realistic to expect a child to sit still all day long, rarely get any exercise or time outside, eat a lot of sweets and nutritionally empty processed foods, and then be present and focused and available for learning.

The ability to sit still for long periods, control impulses, filter distractions, maintain flexible attention, and focus on high level skills like reading, writing and solving problems demands a high degree of internal organization, postural stability, and excellent respiratory functioning.  Without these things firmly in place, the child's body has a limited ability to support the work of his brain, eyes, and hands.

In order to "be steady" mentally and emotionally, a child  first has to be physically steady.  In order for a child to be able to "hang in there,"  a child literally has to be able to hang in there.

The only way for children to be able to mature and develop their nervous systems, improve their  motor planning, strengthen their core muscles, and maximize their balance and coordination, all of which are vital to learning and attention, is through movement.  Do you want your young child to excel?  Forget the enrichment classes, which I consider a waste of time and money, and take him outside.  I'm not talking about Saturday morning soccer practice.  I'm talking about going to the park, playing on the swings, slide, merry go round, teeter totters, playing tag and statues, having a catch, playing Frisbee, messing around in the sandbox, climbing on the jungle gym, making snowmen, sledding, skating, roller blading, swimming, riding a bike or scooter, hopscotch, jumprope, etc.

 In order to do and be their best, children need a lot of unstructured time to play outdoors. They need to be able to coordinate themselves with their heads and bodies in all kinds of different positions and situations.

If your child has a hard time sitting still, try this:  give him lots and lots of intense exercise and time outside every single day, drastically reduce screen time, make sure he gets plenty of sleep, and minimize sweets and nutritionally empty foods, substituting whole, fresh, organic, unprocessed foods.   Turn off  your electronic devices when you're with him and give him your full, undivided attention.  If you're nervous about not giving him all the enrichment classes, here are some ideas: play lots of classical music at home, read to him regularly, provide craft activities,  and do things together as a family.

If he is still having problems, there are most likely underlying causes  such as sensory defensiveness, an under responsive vestibular system, or allergies that an occupational therapist who specializes in sensory integration issues can help you uncover and correct.

  Let me know how it's going.